It's no secret that I wear my emotions on my sleeve. While I'm great at secret-keeping, I'm horrible at I'm-having-a-bad-day-don't-cry-on-the-bus-that's-really-awkard-seriously-stop-crying. So, the majority of people that spend time with me know that 2013 was not my year. Made some mistakes, made some choices that are going to be classified under the category of 'NOPE', and struggled to figure out this world of semi-adulthood.
But... what I have learned from the past year is that it's never too late to become the person you want to be. There's no timer counting down the clock. People may leave, people may get pissed at you, people may be disappointed... but in my experience it only makes me want to live my best life that much more. It doesn't matter about what other people think of my journey. What matters is that I have the courage and the acceptance to walk alone, on my own journey, and grow up for no one else but myself. I think once I start doing things for myself, I'll have the capacity to be a better friend, companion, daughter, student, etc.
So, 2014... Here's what we're going to accomplish. 14 goals, or resolutions, to make this next year of life one for the record books.
1. Teach Joy.
Every day of 2014, I will journal about what I found in my 24 hours that made me feel joy. There's a beautiful book by Barabara Kingslover, High Tide in Tuscon, where she talks about having to teach herself joy over and over again until she learned to fall in love with her life. Isn't that a gorgeous image? I hope that in documenting which moments, large or small, give me joy I'll find that the joy comes from within. It's my ultimate goal in my life, and 2014 is gonna be chance to make it happen.
2. Read my bookshelf.
This is continuing from last year, but I have so many books that I've never read that collect dust in my room. I tried this summer to start with the classics and work my way through... but time is fleeting and soon enough you tell yourself one of your favorite hobbies has to wait. So, every night before I sleep, I will read. It can be a page, it can be a chapter... but I want to give my mind the satisfaction of strengthening my imagination at least once a day.
3. Get a passport.
I don't even need to use it, but knowing I can leave on a great adventure at any time (because bills don't exist, right?) will be an amazing thought to carry me through the days I don't want to get out of bed and go to work. There's so much world to see, and my dream of traveling deserves to be my reality... in time.
4. Move Yo'self.
Some form of physical activity at least three times a week. Because, you know, people tell me about endorphins and how they're not horrible....
5. When you get a paycheck...
Don't go to Barnes and Noble and spend it. Don't go to Subway and spend it. Don't go see Titanic in 3D 5 times and spend it (I won't apologize)...Put aside at least 25% of every paycheck for savings, right away. This is mostly an experiment to see what I can accumulate throughout the year, especially with student loans calling my name any second now.
6. Take a class during summer.
I want a degree so bad, just to say I have a degree... that's kind of lame. I want to want to educate myself and appreciate my education. Taking a class this summer, furthering my journey towards graduation, will help me conquer 2014 by getting me back on track.
7. Make My Bed
Isn't it so silly that this needs to be a resolution? But I'm horrible at keeping a tidy room. So, my hope is that by waking up every day and making my bed, I'll also pick up the laundry on the floor and take out the trash and put away my hair dryer. You know, grown up things... Gross.
8. Don't call in sick...
...unless I'm sick. Form a work ethic to be proud of, and strive to earn people's respect and trust by showing up everyday ready to work. Finding a job can be so tricky, I'm finally realizing how much of an opportunity it is to work. It's funny, when it comes to theater, I never miss a day. When it comes to work, in my mind I say it's different. When it comes to school, LOL. Shouldn't be laughing, but that's what 2014 is about! Learning discipline and growing up!
9. Shop locally.
I live in a great town with a lot of local shops, and they're all amazing. Eating, produce, shopping... keep it local to support a beautiful town.
10. Complicated Simplicity
To cherish moments of complicated simplicity. When things are going a mile a minute, I want to train myself to take a deep breath and remind myself how very simple life can be. Simplifying your life by letting go of the past, by eliminating negative people, by having a set schedule you follow, by drinking tea and reading a book before bed... there are so many ways to simplify your days. Life will always be complicated, and scary, and full of unwanted, unappealing moments... but if I can simplify the ordinary days, the complicated and extraordinary days will be a walk in the park. Or, at least, bearable. Either or.
11. Ukulele
In 2013 I made one really good decision. I purchased a ukulele, and I've been learning to play for about two months now. It's my very favorite time of day, when I sit in my room next to my heater and look up new songs to learn. My goal is to play at least one open mic night in 2014, with my ukulele in hand.
12. Answer the call
I'm so horrible at responding to texts/calling people back. I think my family members think I'm in a different country with no reception... A goal is to always call people back. Texts... we'll see. I'm seriously the worst at it. But I miss the joy I had when I was younger about talking on the phone. I despise phone calls... the awkward pauses. There are only a select few people in my life I can talk on the phone with, and they all live over a thousand miles away from me. Weird. So, I promise to call back. There. Written in stone. Not really.
13. For MacKenzie
I was talking to my mom a few weeks ago and she said, quite bluntly in her Teri D way, 'You do so many things for other people, but none of it is for MacKenzie.' (Then she apologized for speaking in the third person... Classic.) So, 2014, I will start to do things for myself. I will bake the cake, I will walk the extra two blocks uphill, I will take the bus every day to and from work, I will strive for independence. I worry so much about what others need from me, I ignore myself. That's a lonely little way to spend my days. I'm not sure how to document this, but I think in time I'll feel it... the whole to feel strong thing :)
14. Cherish It
Say I love you more. Don't hesitate to compliment someone, even it makes them or me uncomfortable. Give hugs. Let the annoyances of everyday life go. Calm my temper. Take deep breaths. Cherish my time. Cherish my people. Cherish my life.
Cheers to sending off a difficult year and difficult choices. Cheers to hope and champagne and love. Cheers to taking myself way too seriously. Cheers to you.
