Sometimes I have horrible, rotten, really bad days that turn into awesome, uplifting, positive-as-oprah really good days. And today was one of those days. And, don't worry, I'm about to tell you why!
I woke up today in the funk I've been in the last few days. For some reasons, the mornings are really hard. It's hard to get going and start my day. But... once I do, usually, I pick right up. Today was different. I was just sort of lounging today. Not doing anything. That made it so hard to be any kind of productive. Oohfta. But. About an hour before I had no choice to move because I had rehearsal... I decided I would turn my frown upside down once again and prepare for a night of being good to myself. I'm currently in the middle of it, and it's been great. I am tired, but I know my brain...and I know I need to keep doing little fun things. I'll do some writing, I just dyed my hair back to red (photo soon), I'm eating my favorite mint ice cream, and I'm watching my favorite shows at the moment: Parenthood, New Girl, and Castle. It's just been a great night.
And I realized something, something that did not take a lot of brain power to figure out... definitely not rocket science. But I'm going to try to get up earlier, to start my day at least an hour before I need to go anywhere. And get out of the mornings suck funk I trap myself in. Maybe that way when I do leave, I'm ready for my day and for what lies ahead.
[This is where I should explain something about I, MacKenzie Jo. I am HORRIBLE at listening to others when it comes to bettering myself. Ask me how many times my mother has told me to do what I just said above? Ask me. Don't ask me. I'm embarrassed to say. But a lot. And I don't listen. I love her, and her advice always, eventually, makes me feel better... but I need to reach the moment of epiphany solely on my own before I can make a change. How weird is that? I know I'm not the only one, but it always makes me laugh when I call someone and am like 'Guess what I'm going to try!' and there is this long pause before they reply 'You mean the thing I told you to do three months ago. Peachy.' I'm an enigma.. keeps me young. Or something.]
I love that I can recognize that not all days have to start and end the same. That good days can sometimes be blind sided, and bad days can turn around so quickly with the decision to try something new. That's all kinds of neat.
I already know what my next blog post is going to be... but I need to give myself some times to do all the things I need to do before I actually blog about it. BUT I'M PUMPED! So, all 8 of you that read my blog.... get ready. Kisses.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Allowances
Alright, it's that time again.
Today is not a bad day, it's a hard day. But, something that is a very big positive.... I know why. Usually, the days are hard and I don't know why which turn them into stressful, get-nothing-done days. But, today I know...
I find myself missing things I've never had. Is that jealousy? Is that envy? I don't know. But I miss adventures that friends have taken or things that other people have that I've never owned. How can I miss them if they were never mine in the first place? I'm struggling with that today.
I have so much. So, so, sooooooo much in my life. The people are too good. The things are valuable, and providing. I have a lot... but the want for more clouds that. I guess today that's hurting my own feelings a bit.
So, how do I fix it? How do I move on from being sad that I don't have a car, or an iPhone, or that I still live in Duluth when I want to be somewhere completely different? I keep going. I start. Start something...by starting. That's all I can do. If I decide to stop moving and sit in my own self pity, Imma be here a LONG time. And I don't want that.
Keep moving, keep starting, allow yourself to be a beginner. And then when you feel stuck again, remind yourself of where your dreams have already taken you. I'm going to try my hardest to remind myself of that in these next few days. Get myself out of this rut and just keep moving along.
The obstacles are worth it, the hard days make for amazing lessons, the strength that comes from feeling weak is unlike anything else I've ever felt.
Cheers.
Today is not a bad day, it's a hard day. But, something that is a very big positive.... I know why. Usually, the days are hard and I don't know why which turn them into stressful, get-nothing-done days. But, today I know...
I find myself missing things I've never had. Is that jealousy? Is that envy? I don't know. But I miss adventures that friends have taken or things that other people have that I've never owned. How can I miss them if they were never mine in the first place? I'm struggling with that today.
I have so much. So, so, sooooooo much in my life. The people are too good. The things are valuable, and providing. I have a lot... but the want for more clouds that. I guess today that's hurting my own feelings a bit.
So, how do I fix it? How do I move on from being sad that I don't have a car, or an iPhone, or that I still live in Duluth when I want to be somewhere completely different? I keep going. I start. Start something...by starting. That's all I can do. If I decide to stop moving and sit in my own self pity, Imma be here a LONG time. And I don't want that.
Keep moving, keep starting, allow yourself to be a beginner. And then when you feel stuck again, remind yourself of where your dreams have already taken you. I'm going to try my hardest to remind myself of that in these next few days. Get myself out of this rut and just keep moving along.
The obstacles are worth it, the hard days make for amazing lessons, the strength that comes from feeling weak is unlike anything else I've ever felt.
Cheers.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Turning Zee Frown Upside Down
I'm trapped in the Monday blues today, friends. No getting out of it, just have to ride the wave...
But, this wave of tiredness can and will be used for good! For every dislike I have in this very moment, I'm going to think of a like, something I do enjoy. Here we go; negativity be damned.
--I strongly dislike crabby people, who make me walk on egg shells because they decide they are going to have a bad day.
--I like that sometimes the perfect remedy for lonliness is to, in fact, be alone. To sit with yourself with your favorite movie (Free Willy), favorite book (Jane Eyre), or favorite thoughts (dreaming of adventures) and become content with yourself. I love that feeling, and that it doesn't come very often...Comfort in being alone is a work in progress, but I love the pay off.
--I dislike the media telling me I'm ugly, fat, stupid, and lesser because I don't look like Kim Kardashian. Acca-scuse me, but I'll take 'normal' over that any day.
--I like the way snow crunches underneath your feet when walking. It's one of my favorite sounds.
--I dislike that I worry to much about what people think of me.
--I like that there is a news article in the paper today about a group of men in Toronto that did a 'Walk A Mile In Her Shoes' walk to end violence against women. I dig that a whole lot.
--I dislike people who don't work for things. Paris Hilton, you don't appeal to me.
--I like my vernacular. I get away with saying the stupidest things, like 'I dig that a whole lot'.... what is that. People are very kind in putting up with my quirks and I appreciate that immensely.
--I dislike that I can't eat Nutella without consequences.
--I like that Nutella is on this planet.
--I dislike insomnia, and that I can't calm myself down enough to let go of my to-do list and fall asleep.
--I like the moment where you realize you like someone, whether it's friendship or more. My favorite is when the butterflies kick in, and all of a sudden you're smiling walking alone down a sidewalk because you're remembering how someone looked at you that one time, or how they told a stupid joke that you still laugh at. Man, I love romance. I'm a sucker for it...
--I dislike my own laziness, and how if I had the option I would stay in bed all day every day. There is so much life to see! Why, oh why, body, must you be so lazy!!
--I like that I've had to go through obstacles in my short twenty-one years of life. Really hard, big ol' obstacles. Things that I don't wish on anyone else, but I'm so grateful for. Isn't that funny? It's taken me a long time to be grateful for them, but I feel like I'm the lucky one. There's not much more that life can throw at me without me laughing in it's face and saying, 'That's all you got?' I feel strong when I think about how much I've overcome, and that's the best feeling out there.
--I dislike movies with stupid endings. Don't make me watch two hours worth of Matt Damon's hair and then give me a stupid ending..... Aint nobody got time for that!
--I like hugs. Period.
--I dislike that I try something for a day and then give up on it. The follow through is like, an impossible accomplishment.
--I like making Bucket Lists. Somewhere, far far away, are my 1,345 bucket lists I've made. It's not a hobby, it's a lifestyle. I secretly have no intention of completing most of the lists I make. I have one master copy that is up in my room that I do check things off, which is very fun. But an even more good time is creating a whole new list with crazy things like 'Jump off a cliff and yell, Yippee-kay-ayeeee'... I will never do that, but somewhere out there it's on one of my lists. I love that, and I honestly don't know why. You figure it out for me...
--I dislike how completely messy my room is. Even more, I dislike how I can change this fact in a solid hour and a half of cleaning, but instead I'll just sit on my mounds of laundry. Cause that's normal....
--I like knowing fun facts about movies. Secret Fact: I watch commentaries (commentari?) for every movie I've ever bought in hopes of finding out fun facts to tell people. Ask me anything about the show Friday Night Lights...it's gross how much I know. I love learning about behind the scenes, what it's like on the set. Geek status.
--I dislike when your foot falls asleep and it's so uncomfortable but you don't want to look like a weirdo shaking your foot all over the place so you just have to deal with the sharp-pins-in-your-foot-why-does-it-kind-of-feel-like-rain feeling internally. So much dislike for this!!!
--I like sunrises and sunsets, and the possibilities a new days brings.
--I dislike Mondays.
--I like this blog. Win.
People, it's insane how much better I feel right now!!!!!!! I'm stopping because all I can think of are the things I like, all my dislikes are gone. I can't think of any. Whoofta. Monday, we're gonna be alright. You and me, babe. You and me.
Hey, you. Have a great week. For every stupid, dumb, horrible thing that happens...think of something that makes you smile! You'll turn the frown upside down, promise. Cheers.
But, this wave of tiredness can and will be used for good! For every dislike I have in this very moment, I'm going to think of a like, something I do enjoy. Here we go; negativity be damned.
--I strongly dislike crabby people, who make me walk on egg shells because they decide they are going to have a bad day.
--I like that sometimes the perfect remedy for lonliness is to, in fact, be alone. To sit with yourself with your favorite movie (Free Willy), favorite book (Jane Eyre), or favorite thoughts (dreaming of adventures) and become content with yourself. I love that feeling, and that it doesn't come very often...Comfort in being alone is a work in progress, but I love the pay off.
--I dislike the media telling me I'm ugly, fat, stupid, and lesser because I don't look like Kim Kardashian. Acca-scuse me, but I'll take 'normal' over that any day.
--I like the way snow crunches underneath your feet when walking. It's one of my favorite sounds.
--I dislike that I worry to much about what people think of me.
--I like that there is a news article in the paper today about a group of men in Toronto that did a 'Walk A Mile In Her Shoes' walk to end violence against women. I dig that a whole lot.
--I dislike people who don't work for things. Paris Hilton, you don't appeal to me.
--I like my vernacular. I get away with saying the stupidest things, like 'I dig that a whole lot'.... what is that. People are very kind in putting up with my quirks and I appreciate that immensely.
--I dislike that I can't eat Nutella without consequences.
--I like that Nutella is on this planet.
--I dislike insomnia, and that I can't calm myself down enough to let go of my to-do list and fall asleep.
--I like the moment where you realize you like someone, whether it's friendship or more. My favorite is when the butterflies kick in, and all of a sudden you're smiling walking alone down a sidewalk because you're remembering how someone looked at you that one time, or how they told a stupid joke that you still laugh at. Man, I love romance. I'm a sucker for it...
--I dislike my own laziness, and how if I had the option I would stay in bed all day every day. There is so much life to see! Why, oh why, body, must you be so lazy!!
--I like that I've had to go through obstacles in my short twenty-one years of life. Really hard, big ol' obstacles. Things that I don't wish on anyone else, but I'm so grateful for. Isn't that funny? It's taken me a long time to be grateful for them, but I feel like I'm the lucky one. There's not much more that life can throw at me without me laughing in it's face and saying, 'That's all you got?' I feel strong when I think about how much I've overcome, and that's the best feeling out there.
--I dislike movies with stupid endings. Don't make me watch two hours worth of Matt Damon's hair and then give me a stupid ending..... Aint nobody got time for that!
--I like hugs. Period.
--I dislike that I try something for a day and then give up on it. The follow through is like, an impossible accomplishment.
--I like making Bucket Lists. Somewhere, far far away, are my 1,345 bucket lists I've made. It's not a hobby, it's a lifestyle. I secretly have no intention of completing most of the lists I make. I have one master copy that is up in my room that I do check things off, which is very fun. But an even more good time is creating a whole new list with crazy things like 'Jump off a cliff and yell, Yippee-kay-ayeeee'... I will never do that, but somewhere out there it's on one of my lists. I love that, and I honestly don't know why. You figure it out for me...
--I dislike how completely messy my room is. Even more, I dislike how I can change this fact in a solid hour and a half of cleaning, but instead I'll just sit on my mounds of laundry. Cause that's normal....
--I like knowing fun facts about movies. Secret Fact: I watch commentaries (commentari?) for every movie I've ever bought in hopes of finding out fun facts to tell people. Ask me anything about the show Friday Night Lights...it's gross how much I know. I love learning about behind the scenes, what it's like on the set. Geek status.
--I dislike when your foot falls asleep and it's so uncomfortable but you don't want to look like a weirdo shaking your foot all over the place so you just have to deal with the sharp-pins-in-your-foot-why-does-it-kind-of-feel-like-rain feeling internally. So much dislike for this!!!
--I like sunrises and sunsets, and the possibilities a new days brings.
--I dislike Mondays.
--I like this blog. Win.
People, it's insane how much better I feel right now!!!!!!! I'm stopping because all I can think of are the things I like, all my dislikes are gone. I can't think of any. Whoofta. Monday, we're gonna be alright. You and me, babe. You and me.
Hey, you. Have a great week. For every stupid, dumb, horrible thing that happens...think of something that makes you smile! You'll turn the frown upside down, promise. Cheers.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Happy Hour
It has been an amazing weekend at home. I'm actually kind of nervous to go back to Duluth. I don't want to get sad, or start playing the What If game... I love the If game, but hate the What If game. It's been such a great weekend, and I want to cherish every second with my beautiful, crazy, chaotic family! I got to see my neighbors yesterday, who are my very best friends. They aren't even friends, they're family. My sisters. So lucky to have them in my life.
My dad is making mostacholi tonight, which, is my very favorite meal on this planet! It's so good. If I had a smart phone, all I would do is take pictures and Instagram the gorgeous meals my father makes. He's a magician. He's having a hard time right now looking for a job. Unemployment hits so many families, but until it hits yours you don't really know how to adjust. I hope that he doesn't go crazy from boredom... We've got to get his spirits up! But I know that being surrounded by family helps him, so I'm soaking up every second with him I can before I start to suffocate him.... which could, obviously, never happen.... duh.
My mom and I went shopping today because the shoes I brought home smell like someone died in them and them decided to bring their wet dog in for company. They are disgusting, but my favorite pair! Anyway, every family member has nearly passed out because of them, so my mom said no more. We went to buy shoes, and naturally I found my way into Barnes and Noble instead... Now, if you know me at all you know that Barnes and Noble on a Saturday night with a grande mocha and a big book about WWII is perfection. I love B&N. I found two of the greatest items today!
One, is a book called 642 Things To Write About. I love writing, but sometimes I get SO stuck on what to write about or I keep saying the same thing using different words. This book has, clearly, a number of different things to talk about. I'm so excited to start it!
I also found something I've had my eye on for a long, long time. A Five Year Journal!!!! People, this is a big one. I'm more thrilled than I can talk about to start this project. It's as simple as saying 'Today, I washed my clothes and put them away. Boom' and that's it! (PS... how hard is it to actually hang your clothes up?! Please think it's hard with me...because it's an impossible task. Nobody got time for that!) I'm excited to trace where I go and what I accomplish in five years, all while having some crazy moments along the way.
Also, if you ever need an excuse to spend a large amount of money and B&N, check out their bargain priced books. Sherlock Holmes, my collection of Jane Austen is now complete, Les Mis, and a book called Wild. All for under $50!! The book Wild was the most expensive item, but it was recommended to me so I have to give it a try. It's about a woman that basically drops everything and starts fresh. I mean.....It's perfect for me. I'm so excited to start it!
After B&N we made our way to Target, or as I call it, Narnia. I got five movies for the price of one, I aint even mad....
I love today. I love being home with my favorite people. I love books. I love movies. I love the little things like a new place to write that makes me so excited I could scream. I love laundry without charge. I love family.
And I love this blog. I'm so grateful for this place, and the freedom to say whatever I want to say whenever I want to say it. It's not perfect, it's not neat...but it's all mine. I'll never stop loving that.
So grateful, so happy, so simple. Gah! Cheers to that.
My dad is making mostacholi tonight, which, is my very favorite meal on this planet! It's so good. If I had a smart phone, all I would do is take pictures and Instagram the gorgeous meals my father makes. He's a magician. He's having a hard time right now looking for a job. Unemployment hits so many families, but until it hits yours you don't really know how to adjust. I hope that he doesn't go crazy from boredom... We've got to get his spirits up! But I know that being surrounded by family helps him, so I'm soaking up every second with him I can before I start to suffocate him.... which could, obviously, never happen.... duh.
My mom and I went shopping today because the shoes I brought home smell like someone died in them and them decided to bring their wet dog in for company. They are disgusting, but my favorite pair! Anyway, every family member has nearly passed out because of them, so my mom said no more. We went to buy shoes, and naturally I found my way into Barnes and Noble instead... Now, if you know me at all you know that Barnes and Noble on a Saturday night with a grande mocha and a big book about WWII is perfection. I love B&N. I found two of the greatest items today!
One, is a book called 642 Things To Write About. I love writing, but sometimes I get SO stuck on what to write about or I keep saying the same thing using different words. This book has, clearly, a number of different things to talk about. I'm so excited to start it!
I also found something I've had my eye on for a long, long time. A Five Year Journal!!!! People, this is a big one. I'm more thrilled than I can talk about to start this project. It's as simple as saying 'Today, I washed my clothes and put them away. Boom' and that's it! (PS... how hard is it to actually hang your clothes up?! Please think it's hard with me...because it's an impossible task. Nobody got time for that!) I'm excited to trace where I go and what I accomplish in five years, all while having some crazy moments along the way.
Also, if you ever need an excuse to spend a large amount of money and B&N, check out their bargain priced books. Sherlock Holmes, my collection of Jane Austen is now complete, Les Mis, and a book called Wild. All for under $50!! The book Wild was the most expensive item, but it was recommended to me so I have to give it a try. It's about a woman that basically drops everything and starts fresh. I mean.....It's perfect for me. I'm so excited to start it!
After B&N we made our way to Target, or as I call it, Narnia. I got five movies for the price of one, I aint even mad....
I love today. I love being home with my favorite people. I love books. I love movies. I love the little things like a new place to write that makes me so excited I could scream. I love laundry without charge. I love family.
And I love this blog. I'm so grateful for this place, and the freedom to say whatever I want to say whenever I want to say it. It's not perfect, it's not neat...but it's all mine. I'll never stop loving that.
So grateful, so happy, so simple. Gah! Cheers to that.
Friday, November 16, 2012
I'm On Fire
I made a vow to do something every day that was good for me. To be kinder to myself. And boy, has it payed off. I don't do crazy, out there things every day. But I buy the cookie, I sing at the top of my lungs, I take an hour to watch New Girl. I do what I can with the time that I have to relax and enjoy my crazy life. I love it! Last night, it was singing. I had a late night, and when I got home all I could think about what sleep. But, my brain had other things in mind. Sometimes I have a really hard time falling asleep and I'm miserable. But I used my insomnia for good, and I created this video! I posted it on my Facebook, so for some of you it's a repeat. People have been so kind about it! I'm definitely not the best singer, but I love how it makes me feel. After this video, I fell right asleep. I think it was my brains way of telling me I needed to do something creative before the end of my day!
This weekend is going to be amazing. For the first time in about 7 months, I don't have rehearsals or work this weekend. An empty calendar, no commitments. I'm elated!
Have an amazing weekend, friends! Stay warm!!
Thursday, November 15, 2012
California Dreams, Sign Me Up
I was looking over my blogs and I kept seeing the same word over and over: Adventure. I yearn for adventures. And, my friends, an adventure I have found.
I've decided I won't be staying in Minnesota this summer. I'm going to apply to a bunch of places, some internships, some summer ranches, and work in a new place for a few months. I've found a few I'm crazy about, and they'd be a great fit...so fingers crossed! I could be living in California, Montana, or most exciting... NEW YORK! I found this amazing internship that PAYS and I'd be working for a new works theatre for the summer. So. Amazing.
But....no matter what happens, or what I chose, I just want to get out of the state for the summer. I had coffee today with my friend who was in Honduras this summer...and he said something that will stay with me. He said, you deserve to have an adventure for yourself. And you know what? He's totally right. Everyone deserves to allow themselves to completely escape at least once in their life.
That's my plan. To have an adventure. It's something to look forward to, which I know will really help me in these next few weeks. As the days get shorter and the semester gets more stressful, looking forward to the possibility of running away for a while will keep me smiling, and keep me working towards something.
I could live here this summer? Yes please.
I've decided I won't be staying in Minnesota this summer. I'm going to apply to a bunch of places, some internships, some summer ranches, and work in a new place for a few months. I've found a few I'm crazy about, and they'd be a great fit...so fingers crossed! I could be living in California, Montana, or most exciting... NEW YORK! I found this amazing internship that PAYS and I'd be working for a new works theatre for the summer. So. Amazing.
But....no matter what happens, or what I chose, I just want to get out of the state for the summer. I had coffee today with my friend who was in Honduras this summer...and he said something that will stay with me. He said, you deserve to have an adventure for yourself. And you know what? He's totally right. Everyone deserves to allow themselves to completely escape at least once in their life.
That's my plan. To have an adventure. It's something to look forward to, which I know will really help me in these next few weeks. As the days get shorter and the semester gets more stressful, looking forward to the possibility of running away for a while will keep me smiling, and keep me working towards something.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Normal Nancy
Is there romance is normalcy? Is there something exciting about a plain ol' average day? Abso-freaking-lutely. Today, I did nothing but normal things. I stayed up all night studying for a test, I went to sleep and woke up with enough time to study for a few hours before my test. Then, I took a shower, put on a dress and my favorite pair of boots, and strutted my tush to school. I then took that test (not sure how I did...but I know I did the best I could do with how much I prepared) and left the classroom, leaving everything at the door. After that, I went about my day as normal. Had a great conversation with one of my favorite friends, and grabbed dinner. All of this was before going to rehearsal.
See what I mean? An average day. Nothing about today was out of the blue. Except maybe the fact that I'm not wearing a sweatshirt and my paint pants (See photo. It's gross how proud I am of myself for this outfit...) ...And sure, a test is a little more stressful, but... with all the studying I haven't done the past few years, I'm making up for lost time. But the spending time with friends, dinner, rehearsal. It was a very average Tuesday. And I'm loving it. I'm currently sitting in my very messy living room (my fault, my fault) with my roommate watching The Holiday. My to-do list is longer than I'd like, and I'm not worrying about a damn thing. After this post, I'm going to close my computer and relax and stare at Jack Black in all his glory. I know, I should be in favor of Jude Law...but he cheats on women and therefore his face looks like a troll, AMEYERITE?
Anyway, today was great. An outfit I felt good wearing, a test I felt good about taking, and friends I feel amazing being around. It's the kind of life I should be grateful for. And today, I'm just that. Very, very grateful.
Also, I added lights to my room. This is phase one, I think I'm going to take these down and try and shape the lights to look like a tree! I'm excited, and don't you worry... I will definitely keep posting photos.
Side Note: As I was about to post this, my roommate walks in with TaterTots to eat with my Strongbow. I'm a happy, happy girl.
Anyway, today was great. An outfit I felt good wearing, a test I felt good about taking, and friends I feel amazing being around. It's the kind of life I should be grateful for. And today, I'm just that. Very, very grateful.
Also, I added lights to my room. This is phase one, I think I'm going to take these down and try and shape the lights to look like a tree! I'm excited, and don't you worry... I will definitely keep posting photos.
Side Note: As I was about to post this, my roommate walks in with TaterTots to eat with my Strongbow. I'm a happy, happy girl.
Even tater tots are average. But on an average day, they are the thing of legends.
That's all folks. Nothing spectacular, nothing heartbreaking. Here's to great days, great friends, and great simplicity. I cherish it all.
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