Highlight Reels

You cannot use someone else's fire; you can only use your own. 

And in order to do that you much first believe you have it. 

-- Audre Lorde

Nine days into a brand new year and it's everything I've wanted it to be and more. Well, I mean, still
no job and still a lot to accomplish... but I'm getting there. With every day there's one more application sent and my bed being made and texting my mother the beer and wine emojis. Life is looking really good this first week of the new year. I'm sleeping. Like, actually closing my computer early and reading before bed and waking up as my roommates go to work and I get up, I stay up, and I don't give up. I keep trekking. It's this amazing feeling like I have so much ahead of me in my life. I don't know where this sudden burst of inspiration came from, but I'm so grateful for it.

I was texting one of my great friends from college earlier today. Keaton and I were living a few floors apart our freshman year, and throughout college and now beyond we catch up whenever we can. It's one of those, I saw you tweet this funny thing and I'm going to text you and say you're a funny mother trucker so you don't forget type of friendships. We all need 'em. I heard he had a new job and wanted to see how it as going; he asked how my job hunt was going and I told him that it's just day by day. We're 22/23 years old and all we were talking about was our jobs? Lame. What's not lame is when we got to talking about how there's all this pressure to become a successful human being, in like, a week. We literally give ourselves a week to figure out a plan for the rest of our lives. And when that plan doesn't work out we're shocked because we need to start again. Granted, four years in college is longer than a week... but if 22 isn't the age to rediscover yourself and change careers, jobs, ideas, goals, values... then when is the age? When should we give ourselves the time to be in love with our life? The time is now. Simple as that.

We also got to talking (all through text mind you, it's one of those out of body experiences where you're like 'pick up the phone and call him, ya lazy weirdo') about how we look at how our peers are doing and that automatically means we're either succeeding or failing. There's no in between. You go to a bar with friends and they ask about your salary. You go on a date with a boy and your girlfriends want to know if he's marriage material. Umm.. I'm a child, I'm sorry, what? There's this need for comparison in our generation, I'm not sure where it comes from but it's a shame. I have a friend from my high school days that now works in corporate America at one of the top businesses in the country. And I'm so proud to know her. I'm so proud to say I knew her when she failed her math test because she was hungover. I'm so proud of who she's become. But there's also this pit in my stomach that says, 'What am I doing?' I'm not in an office overlooking Minneapolis. I'm not a college grad. I'm not this, I'm not that, well I guess I'm worthless.... (THAT IS A DUMB WAY TO LIVE, PEOPLE.) When I look on Facebook and I see someone got engaged or won an award or took a trip to Europe, my immediate reaction, whether I want it to be or not, it to say, 'What about me?' It takes away so much joy. It takes away so much happiness... for other people and for myself. It's part of the reason I've wanted for so many years to get rid of my Facebook. But after nine days of teaching myself joy I can say I've turned it all around. Now, when my friend posts a picture of her office overlooking Minneapolis, I can say that it's the coolest photo I saw that day. What an amazing job to have, but I'm so glad I was able to take a walk by the lake and read my book. I'm so glad I can feel the snow crunching beneath my feet as I walk to my next coffee date. I did take a picture of me wearing lipstick, so I mean, who won that day?? Obvious answer. It's such an early start to the year, but already I can see the change in myself, in learning that by focusing on only my path, and my allowing myself time to make the journey... I'm so much happier. The 'highlight reels', people's successes they show on social network... they don't stop my journey. They don't make me feel like I'm failing. It's amazing that I know people who are successful and happy and want to share that with the world. It's also nice when someone posts a status about slipping and falling. It's all relative. None of it should ever stop us from pursuing our goals. No one's success should make you feel like a failure, because your journey is completely your own. The time it takes you to complete that journey shouldn't matter. We don't remember how long it took us to study for a test, we just remember that feeling in your heart when you looked up your grade and wanted to kiss everyone in the hallway because you actually passed. Just me? Moving on...

No matter where we are in life, whether we're starting a new job or taking a semester off. Whether we have a mortgage or can't make this month's rent... We deserve to put life on hold and reassess. We owe that to ourselves. Figure out what we truly want. Of course it's terrifying, but if life is supposed to be this exciting ride full of twists and turns than it better be terrifying. I'm so thankful I was able to catch up with such a great friend at such a crucial part in our lives. In five years we get to look back and this moment when we changed directions and say, 'Yep. Right move.' I'm so excited for that day.

Cheers to reassessments (which is a really great word), cheers to living life honestly, cheers to the terrifying excitement that keeps us young. Cheers to friendship.


Cheers to you.