New Chapters

I'm having a MUCH better day than I was two days ago. Sometimes I forget that I bottle things up and people don't have a clue that anything is wrong, so then when I finally explode everyone's like... who are you and what did you do with MacKenzie?

Well, the bad day came and went, I talked to good ol' Teri D, and I'm doing okay. Not great, not the best, but definitely okay.

People are leaving. Slowly but surely people are packing up their things and headed home. And I'm sad. I've spent four years with these people, a lifetime in my book, and now the new chapters begin. Wow. I love them, each and every one of them for very different reasons, and I'm so freaking lucky to have known them.

I think when the days get really bad like they did two days ago, I need to remind myself of the mediocre days. Days like today where nothing really happens... you see the people you always see, you do the usual tasks that fill your day... but nobody gets hurt and you laugh along the way... you're reminded that your mistakes are just as stupid and unimportant as everyone else's. You know? Like, yes I've failed too many classes...but my friend stole keychains just to do it for like, three years. Who's worse? Mistakes are mistakes. I'm not built on my GPA or my attendance record, I'm built on my character. And even though I don't always trust my own opinion, I think I've got an okay character. One that's strong even when I feel weak.

I'm feeling better. I'm feeling proud of the people in my life that are moving on. I'm feeling like ice cream is in my near future. And bonfires. And music. And maybe dancing. Definitely dancing.

I get to go home for a few days and sit on the deck with my parents and see my best friend in the whole world and adventure and drink beer and swim in the pool and have myself a little vacation. I can't wait. See, even the little things like going home or going to a bonfire, or opening a new bottle of wine... it's all reasons to smile and all reasons to keep the faith. Always have hope. I think I lost that earlier this week... but average days like today are the perfect reminder.

I find myself wanting to start my new chapter, but feeling like it's not even worth it. I mean, I'll still be here next year, right? Why start now? But that's Stupid MacKenzie talking.... and Smart MacKenzie knows it's never too early to try something new. So I think I'll do just that. I'll take baby steps and try new things and set plans to move out of here in a year and see where the wind takes me. It's never to early to make your dreams into plans, and your can't into cans. Never ever.

Cheers to plans. Cheers to goodbyes, see ya laters, and tearful hugs. Cheers to you.