I want to be the person that people think I am. If I'm not, does that mean I'm failing? Do I get a do-over? A shift? A pause. I want a pause button. Some time to really figure out if the woman I embody is truly who I am. That sounds trippy...but it means so much to me right now. There's so much weight in my fear of not reaching my potential and honestly not knowing who sets the bar for where my potential actually is.
Selfish note: In my lonely thoughts tonight, I've reached this conclusion... More than wanting someone to want me, I think I want so badly to feel a certain way about someone else. I've never experienced it. I've never known knee buckling lust. I feel weird about it, I feel like it's not gonna happen for a long time. Part of me knows this is okay. Part of me yearns even harder for it. Where are you, my first great partner? You're going to be so worth it. Right?
I hit this road block every couple of months. And it freaks me out.
Goodnight, moon. Bring out the sun tomorrow, I need a really long walk.
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