Timelines

Well, it's hitting me. My people are leaving. I didn't really want this feeling to come. I don't know what to do about it because I can't change it. It's happening. People grow up, people start new adventures. I can't wait to start my own... but it doesn't stop the fear/pain/saddness of watching your people leave.

Two years ago my number one friend of all friends ever left for California to start a new life. We have the kind of friendship that means you never see each other, talk once a month if you're lucky, and it feels as if we remain next to each other at all times. She's family, plain and simple. In two weeks, I will lose another best friend to California. That effing state. It's so beautiful and yet at this point in my life it's not where I should be so therefore it's pissing me off.

Chicago's on my shit list. It holds my aunt and cousin, who's growing up without my embarrassment to haunt him at school functions. And now, two friends have just moved, are actually probably driving as I type, to that gorgeous city full of kind-but-creepy-Midwest folk. I miss that city, I miss my friends, I miss my family, and so I have no choice but to avoid confrontation with that city until I'm CALM ABOUT THE SITUATION.

Don't even talk to me about the twin cities. A plethora of people that are more than welcome to get the hell back up here now reside in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area. It's heartbreaking, because it's not that far... but on my Schwinn bicycle which is all I'll ever be able to afford with this attitude it's so far away. I can't just walk over and take a nap at my best friends house (it happened once, I'm not proud...) now that she lives in a difference city. The lucky SOBs that are Minneapolis and St. Paul hold so many rad/artsy/beautiful/talented/honest people now. They don't even realize...

I know I'm where I'm supposed to be. I know that in a year a new adventure will begin for me and my mother will be writing a blog about how horrible of a daughter I am for leaving her to deal with my dad on her own. And I don't think I would trade positions... I'm not ready. For whatever reason, I fought through my anxiety and depression while in college... and I'm so grateful for the timeline of it all. It means I have one more year to figure it all out. To take a fucking breath. I'm lucky for that. I'll just miss my people. I still have amazing friends in this city, and I get the opportunity to strengthen a few more... We're in such a weird phase of our lives. No idea what's to come. No idea what will happen. What a treat...

This blog is a cheers to my people, who are starting anew, who've taken huge chances, who've created amazing opportunities for themselves. I'm lucky to know you, to love you, to call you family.

Cheers to the brave.