Here's what feels good:
--Tomorrow I get to drive a moving truck. I will absolutely have sunflower seeds to complete my image of what a truck driver needs. The downside, which I'm ignoring, is that inside that moving truck holds the possessions of one of my favorite people. And I'm moving her to a different city... I'm convinced it's a good thing. I'm convinced that this next year will be amazing for her. I'm convinced that two and a half hours of a drive is nothing because both of our laughs are loud enough... so we'll always be in contact. It still feels good to be saying goodbye to her, because in the long run... it's not goodbye at all. And that's a really good thing.
--Today I gave away eleven bags of clothes. (Here's where you give me a standing ovation) Eleven! How do I own so many clothes?! I literally spend my days in sweat pants and shirts with holes in them. Somehow, over the years, I've refused to let go of the shirt I wore for 8th grade pictures that I wore once and slept in twice. So. That's my wardrobe. It felt so amazing to drive up to Goodwill with a full car and drive off with only myself and a smile. I hope the clothes go to people that can rock a semi sophisticated-- random--never really matching-- I try really hard only sometimes-- kind of wardrobe. Cause that's what I got.
--I'm actually excited for the school year to start. It might be boredom, but I can't wait to get this last year (fingers crossed!!!) of school under my belt. I'm so ready. I'm so ready to get my degree and dive into the real world. A few of my friends are trying so hard to get 'big girl' jobs and are not finding anything, and I just know that when I get my degree I will literally be dressed as a chicken outside 'El Pollo Loco' as long as I have a keyboard to write on and friends that will take photographic evidence of me doing inappropriate things in a chicken costume. I'm ready to 'live the dream' and work really hard to make that happen.
--I have a sunburn on my back from when my friends and I went tubing down the river. It was easily one of the best days of my life. I drove us into the middle of Wisconsin, we tubed down a river for three/four hours, and ate at this hole in the wall. We had been looking forward to this day for weeks, and despite the clouds we decided it was worth going. As soon as our feet touched the water, the sun appeared. It was awesome. My Irish skin can't handle much, and after a few cocktails you forget to turn over ever twenty minutes... so my back is fried. But, I wouldn't take it back. I can accept the pain as a token for a perfect day with some pretty amazing people.
--I applied to be an intern for a really popular TV show today. 98% of me knows that there is a 94% chance that nothing will come of it, but it made me smile knowing in a year this will be my plan. Try, try, try, knowing you don't stand a chance, and make them listen. I can't wait.
--I wrote a play. It's done. It's done, and after another quick read through it will go off into the inter webs for someone else to read. This play has taken ages, it feels, to complete, because I was/am/will be so unsure of what I'm trying to say. That's my favorite part about writing, though, you start with one idea...write like crazy thinking it will end exactly as you planned... and somewhere along the way this character you created changes on you, forces you to re-look at the possibilities, and you change directions. Writing is cool. Writing is hard, but writing is really cool.
--I have brown hair now. And I'm keeping it. That's all.
--I just worked on a show that I stepped into a week before opening. I got to work with one of my closest friends, so it was worth it. But, what I'm excited about, is that I'm coming to the point in my 'find-out-who-you-are-on-purpose' phase where I get to be choosey about things. I didn't want to work on this production at first because I don't really like working on big shows with huge dance numbers and flashy lights. I like small casts, intimate spaces, quiet moments... and you don't usually find those in a big cast working back stage. While I got to spend time with great people the last month, I'm happy that this experience solidified my belief that you have to pick and choose your projects, you have to believe in the projects, you have to find the passion. I'm thankful for the reminder.
--I think what feels the best about the past month or so is the time I have to spend with myself. I'm spending a lot of time alone, which usually makes me feel lonely, but these past few weeks I find myself craving it more and more. My anxiety has been higher than usual, and having the chance to sit and collect my thoughts every day... it's just lovely. It's magic. I'm grateful for the silence. I'm grateful for my own company.
Summer is good. Tame, uneventful, quiet, full of reading books with big words and keeping a dictionary close by. It's fun. It's simple. And simple, I'm finding out, is really really good.
Cheers.
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