A Single Glorious Moment

I am starting this blog by stating a fact so true it is painful: I've been a downer. I real Debby D. Let's try and fix that...

So here's the deal: When schedules are full and bank accounts are low and stress is infinite and life just... happens, you forget the moments. I'm all about moments. In my core, without busy life and chaos, I look at my life in moments. There's moments from childhood I cling to. The time I was riding a scooter and looked back at my neighbor-sisters and completely ate shit on the sidewalk. The time in junior high when I missed the school bus because I sat, terrified and naked, in my bathroom shouting at the 'intruder' which turned out to be the house creaking that I had $16.00 in my underwear drawer and my dad kept change in his closet. I sat in there for two hours until the phone rang and it was my mom who totally appreciated my bravery..... Moments, man. In adulthood, or semi-adulthood, I forget to cling on to the little things.

I met with an incredible human begin today, and she reminded me of a quote she sent me last year when I was filling a quote book (which are perfection) for a friend. It reads:

In my own worst seasons I’ve come back from the colorless world of despair by 
forcing myself to look hard, for a long time, at a single glorious thing: a flame of red 
geranium outside my bedroom window. And then another: my daughter in a yellow 
dress. And another: the perfect outline of a full, dark sphere behind the crescent 
moon. Until I learned to be in love with my life again. Like a stroke victim retraining 
new parts of the brain to grasp lost skills, I have taught myself joy, over and over 
again. --Barbara Kingsolver, High Tide in Tucson

By finding the distinctive moments in a day to really focus on, we allow for more moments to appear. It's a beautiful thought, teaching yourself joy. Even more, it's a beautiful feeling. Here are my glorious things. The moments that I will force myself to grasp, to cling onto, to slowly teach myself joy... to fall in love with my life day after day after day.

--Two days ago I got a job. It's at school in my department, with people that will fill my mornings with laughter. The moment I'm clinging to is when I went and told a dear friend I got the job and she held onto me like I had just won a Nobel Peace Prize. This woman is amazing, and never ceases to make me smile... but there was something so nurturing in her pride for me. What a gal.

--Joni Mitchell's A Case of You is a perfect song. When I hear it, I long for love. I smile with hope.

--The first big snowfall happened tonight. Nothing major, but it actually stuck on the ground. It's definitely too cold for just sweaters anymore here in Duluth. I took time tonight while waiting for the bus home to listen to the snow crunching beneath my feet. There's so much beauty in silence. It's one of my favorite things about winter... the silence in the night air as you watch your breath evaporate. A single glorious thing.

--You know when you don't realize you just really need a hug and then someone hugs you and you exhale and think 'That's exactly what I needed in that exact moment.' I got one of those hugs today, and I couldn't help but think at the time... I miss my family. My dad gives hugs like that. It was a reminder of the people that aren't here with me but still have my back, day in and day out.

--I'm about to fall asleep, and I'm doing something I haven't done in weeks. Read. No homework. No paperwork. Just fiction. I may only make it three pages before falling asleep... but there's romance in diving under the covers, finishing the cup of tea, and adventuring to the land of make believe.

--And my final moment of the day, is right now. I find myself wiping away tears as I finish up this blog. The beauty of exhaling and seeing my breath at a bus stop. The memory of my dad giving me a hug the last time I was home. The excitement I have to read my book. It's all happiness. The pain of struggle and acceptance and work and the daily grind.... some days it feels too big, that pain. But it can easily be overthrown by these simple moments. By these beautiful highlight reels. I love this blog. I love what it means to me, and what it's given me. A voice, a stage, a page. It's given me perspective, and time.  I just feel lucky, I guess. Writing it all out... I feel strong.

There's a lot of joy in my world... if I cling to it. If I look for the moments of contentment, of simplicity... they're all there. I've tried finding a word more beautiful... but I'm just really excited by the notion of showing up, every day, and falling in love with life. For some it may seem second nature. For others I may sound crazy. But for me, it's a new outlook. It's a new experiment on my search for not only happiness, but moments. The search for moments will lead to happiness... because it's never about the destination, it's about the journey.

Cheers to the moments. Cheers to incredible women who share their stories. Cheers to you.