12.27.12 Things I Love

Things I Love:

--The West Wing. I just found out thirty seconds ago that The West Wing is on Instant Watch Netflix and I'm litchrally having trouble breathing. I love this show. I love love love this show. Aaron Sorkin is a brilliant writer, and he plays by his own rules, which is very inspirational because following rules kicks rocks. I'm so very excited to watch a few episodes and do nothing today. I was feeling quite bored this morning with nothing to do around the house, but now..... It's on!

--Carbohydrates. Even the bad ones. I mean, I think my hips can speak for themselves when they and I say we LOVE carbs. Foods like Mac N Cheese, Tater Tots, Dill Pickle Chips, basically anything that has a lable of 'this may one day lead to heart failure' is what I'm all about. Usually I try to avoid talking about how much I love these foods because it really is very unhealthy and I should be more kind to my body. But, today, as I make Mac N Cheese and possibly, definitely, order take out I'm reminded that sometimes you have to be kind to your mind before you're kind to your body. Or something like that.....

--The Ryan's. Ryan Gosling, Ryan Reynolds, this kid Ryan I went to junior high with that has an insane smile, Paul Ryan (HAHAHAHAH JUST KIDDING). Mainly just the first two Ryans. They're neat.

--Complicated simplicity. I really can't get over that phrase, and how ever since I came across it on a no good, rotten, really bad day I've felt so much better about ever no good, rotten, really bad day. Life is pretty simple when you look at the grand scheme of things, but when you look at minute details.. man is it complicated. It's complicated simplicity, with the imperfections and big hips and laughs and joy. And I love ti.

--Reading. I'm onto my next called Wild, which I wrote about when I had my Barnes and Noble extravaganza over Thanksgiving. I'm finally getting time to read (I've already read three books, onto #4!) now that I'm home and I'm excited for this one. I need adventure, I crave it. So reading about someone else's will be a great place to start!

--Meryl Streep. She is everything. And I finally watched the film Julie and Julia last night, and I have to say.... I don't know if I liked it! I found myself kind of annoyed with Meryl, but in the best way. Her accent in the film is supposed to mirror the real Julia Childs, but I found she was like Madonna after two weeks in London. It didn't read right to me. The actor Chris Messina is in it, and I'm all about him. He's one of my favorites. And of course, Stanley Tucci was by Meryl's side, which worked 100% for me. I guess I just wanted more from Ms. Meryl, a little Sophie's Choice attitude brought to the table maybe? Regardless, spending a night in at the parent's home watching a movie about food made me happy, hungry, and blessed... so I'm all good. I love Meryl, and I'm not saying having a beer with her is on my bucket list, but I'm not saying it isn't.

--Candles. I'm sitting next to four candles all giving off different scents that are forming this magic around me. I'm in heaven.

--Cough drops.

--That my phone cannot Instagram or Snapchat or send embarrassing drunk videos or Temple Run. It's a very generic phone that can call people and text people because let's be honest I'm not a talk on the phone kinda gal. Some days I'm really jealous of the Iphones and Ipads and SmartThings, but I haven't checked my phone once today.... I'm not even sure where it is. And I love that.

--Bucket Lists. I made another bucket list today. It's probably my 8th one this month. Included in this lists is: Marry a lumberjack, Discover a new planet, Learn how to throw fire. I'm dreaming big over here.

Full of Starlight

Most mid-weeks are full of caffeine, and me busting my butt to get through the days. But today is a Wednesday, I am in my childhood home with two of my siblings and my parents, and I'm feeling fantastic. We live a very quiet life. Me and my brother are on the computer, sister is reading (which I will do shortly after this blog post) and my parents are upstairs reading. Such a quiet, mundane day... but I wouldn't trade it. It's the complicated simplicity, the fact that life is very complicated, yet we live simple lives and have simple interactions. I don't know, I'm sort of thrilled about that right now.

Home has been good. I think a few more days and I'll be very much ready to return to my home in Duluth. But this has been a great time of reflecting on how I react to things when my parents are not there to pick up the pieces. I'm very proud of myself for getting through the past six months. They have not been easy. But I sit here typing this out... really, really happy. I'm happy. Which I couldn't say six months ago. I couldn't say that four months ago. And I'm not happy everyday. There are certain nights I don't get any sleep and the days are long and I eat too much sugar so I crash before I'm willing to shut my eyes. But, here, in this moment, I can look around and say that I'm right where I should be. I'm happy.

It's not clear skies and blue eyes (did I just make that up?) from here. I know that there will be many more days where I say, what can I do to become happier? But I hope I can remember this feeling on those days. I hope I can look back on feeling this good and smile and say, I'll be there again someday.

It's a lot of work, growing up. It takes every ounce of strength you have to become the best version of yourself. The reward, I'm finding, is worth every moment of weakness I've ever felt.

I hope you find yourself feeling blessed this week. I hope you feel re-energized, like you can take on the world.

Cheers to you.

Happy Christmas, Harry

Confession: I could do without Christmas.

Jokes.

I love this holiday. It's not my favorite, that lies with Thanksgiving, but it's an amazing time of the year. In an otherwise gloomy, freezing cold month we gather with our family, my favorite people, and celebrate Jesus and all his glory. Some families don't, and that's okay. But I believe in Jesus and I celebrate all that He has given. Families that don't still get together and tell jokes about how ugly you were as a baby....so it's all relative.

I love giving gifts. I love the faces of people who are surprised I didn't buy them some yarn and one shoe. That's the fun part. It's good to be with people I love and to see them smile. It's what I hold onto when I'm homesick in cloudy Duluth.


This Christmas I'm thankful for my parents and all that they have taught me. Including:
-If a man tells you you're beautiful, check to see if his hands are in his pockets.
-Microwavable meat doesn't exist.
-Deodarant is what stands between getting the job and getting the 'thanks for coming in' handshake
-You can't go wrong with a nap.
-Parents that laugh together stay together.


One of my favorite Christmas memory is when my brother told me a certain someone didn't exist. I know it's a little odd for it to be my favorite, but it makes me laugh. [I don't think that anyone reading this still believes a certain someone exists, but if you do... Imma need you to not read any more of this as I have already ruined that secret and I'm not about a guilty conscious. Mkay?] My brother is three years older than me and we never got along growing up. I was a bossy kid, and he didn't care which way the spoons were supposed to face, he just knew he wanted to hurt me with one. We were out to eat and our favorite Sunday Brunch spot, The Crackle Barrel (we know what you're thinking), and I don't know how and I don't know why but I made him mad. I was looking at sunflowers in the gift shop before you're seated and he marched up to me and shouted, 'YOU KNOW SANTA ISN'T REAL, RIGHT?' I was in shock. How could this be? I watched movie upon movie of that fluffy haired man, and he's not real?! I believe there were many a tear, and my brother was grounded for a solid month. That's how you know if was a good offense, how much jailtime you got. And a month was pretty bad.



But learning about SC made it so that I could now watch the greatest Christmas film of all time... Tim Allen's The Santa Clause. I mean, there's just no greater movie to ever be made on the subject of Christmas! That movie is my drug, and I got it bad.

Other classic movies to watch this week:
--Love, Actually
--The Holiday
--National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
--Home Alone
--It's A Wonderful Life
--A Christmas Story

All amazing, all about Christmas, all a good time.

My mom and I are currently wrapped up in blankets watching White Collar. I've never watched the show, but I really like what I'm seeing! Attractive men, crime fighting, good laughs. All things I want to be a part of.

I'm also starting on my next reading list. Starting with Bossypants by Tina Fey, followed by Silver Linings Playbook, and this awesome book my dad gave me about the man who was a lawyer for the mob and then became the governor for Las Vegas. Oh man! It's gonna be a great month of reading.

I have a few weeks off of work, school, life basically, and I'm going to sleep and read, eat, sleep and read, drink, and sleep and read. There may be a few blog posts in between, but if not, have an amazing holiday. Keep laughing, and celebrate being with the people you're surrounded by and all that they have given you.

Happy Christmas, Harry. Cheers.

My Finals Week

Starting: Friday, December 14th. The day of the Newtown, Conn shooting.

Look up Victoria Soto. Seriously, stop reading this and google her name. She is forever a person to be mirrored and honored.

If you waste even 10% of your energy every day with hate... that's too much. That's just enough to show someone it's okay to let the negativity win. And that's not an option anymore. Ever. Negative people, negative actions, negative thoughts. Go. No more. Fill each day with 100% positivity, choke people with kindness, and never stop giving. We have to do this, we have to change.

I think that dedications in books are the best part.

If children in Pakistan can light candles and pray we have the ability to become one. It's our duty, and I believe it to be my destiny. That's so cheesy, but it's what I think and it's how I feel and I want to be a source of light and courage and power in a time of darkness.

I don't know why I cant' just start working on my homework but I will relate it to the feeling of when you have to pee really bad during a movie and you're in the middle of the center row and if you leave now it will be a huge inconvenience on everyone in the theatre including you because you're not positive that you will make it out without peeing your pants. that somehow kind of relates to what i'm feeling about getting up and going to get my book and start reading rather than watching good shit.

i really should delete my facebook forever because i care way too much about what people think about me and the red dot that shows up is slowly becoming more important to me than my hygiene and that's disgusting.

I need you to click on this. Please. You will either laugh or be upset, and either of those reactions will make me laugh.

i think it's funny how when people blog or write online they don't capitalize their i's because why would you. aint nobody got time for that.

i don't know how i'm going to pay january rent but prostitution is out of the question so i think i'll just sell an ovary and pay for college and rent at the same time.

The President is just so good. I'm proud of him this week, not for his insane smile and salt n peppa hair. But for his courage and his kindness to those families and to the nation. It doesn't matter how you voted, it doesn't matter if you disagree with him on every political stance... He should be appreciated for his kindness this week.

I just found out Twinkies are no longer and I prayed and thanked Jesus because they were disgusting. And this is coming from someone that would snort powdered sugar if I didn't care about nosebleeds.

I've never had a nosebleed.

Tom Cruise creeps me out to the very depths of my soul, but that smile makes me smile and I've lost that loving feeling.. oh no. mind control.

I have a painting final due friday and I haven't started and that means tomorrow is going to be CLUTCH.

I'm doing this thing where I see how far on top of my head I can get my bun before I want to punch myself in the face. This is about three inches past that....

If my laundry could magically hang itself up I would do my laundry every other day. But it doesn't, so once a year works too. 

Studying for finals with friends provides the following quote: 

Me: He's married I doubt he wants to fuck you.

Dan: Well he talks about my hair alot and he makes me nervous. 

Emilie: Quick! Someone do 398/450.

Daniel: 398....39..42...carry the 8.. 

Kelly: Daniel, it's division.

Daniel: Oh. I was so excited because it was taking everyone else as long!

I made this video playing with cups because studying is for kids that kick rocks. 

Just realized I kept my pact of not wearing sweatpants out of the house for an entire semester until this very moment where I went to wallgreens looking completely disheveled to buy instant mash potatoes and oreos. Finals week might be winning the battle, but they will not win the war. 

Are you there God, it's me, Margaret is a stupid book. Stupid, stupid, stupid. 

I wonder if I prank my mom telling her I failed out of school she'll cry or not. Is it worth the try? I can't tell...

I'm very proud of myself that I haven't worn sweatpants because last year I owned two pairs of jeans and it was not a good look to always appear bed ridden.

I have to start and finish a scenic painting final in about 8 hours. Here we go.... 

Ending: Thursday, December 20th. The day before the end of the world. Whoa. 

Wanna Know A Secret?

Secret MacKenzie Fact: I LOVE learning new things about people. It's gross how many personal questions I can ask someone in a short period of time. And I will. I will ask them all. Because we live in a world where people would marry Ryan Gosling because he breathes and I want to know why. He can grow a beard, so I'm halfway there... but, I digress. People fascinate me. And then I thought, I wonder if there are any secret facts about myself that make me unique, that set me apart from the rest. OR that connect me to a few individuals. That'd be pretty fun. Here goes.

Secret MacKenzie Facts:

-- I think that Anne Hathaway is so horribly good that I hate that I kind of in a way maybe like her. But she detests me. Hard. But then I love that she detests me. Ugh. Puke. Love. Eff.

--Stanley Tucci is my Ryan Gosling. Anything he touches, anything he thinks, every time he breathes... Gold.

--I've never had an oyster. And I ain't NEVA gonna try one.

--The secret to making me laugh is to make me the most uncomfortable person when you're around me. I'll always be smiling because there is no other option... or at least I haven't figured it out yet.

--I'm addicted to Jimmy Johns. And that's not saying 'Oh, I have it a lot, ADDICTED, laugh out loud..' I'm saying if the show Intervention came to me about getting off JJ's chips I'd be that person ignoring their family members and running out of the room. Obsessed.

--Lake Superior fascinates me. Skinny dipping after a few cocktails is a favorite hobby in the summer.

--Typically, any man that can grow a beard has my immediate attention. Those that can't are still wonderful people... but if a lumberjack doesn't take me into the wilderness to our cabin and we get married with our woodland animals watching... I mean, I don't have dreams like that. Shut up.

--Chris Messina is my favorite actor right now. Look him up. 28 hotel rooms. Argo. Ira and Abby. Away We Go. I love his style, I love his choices, I love everything. He's everything. Aaaaand he can grow a beard. Mazel tof.

--My favorite day of the year is the first day of spring when you walk outside and your nose hairs don't freeze, you look around and everyone is mildly happier simply because they aren't lugging around a coat, and the sunshine is blinding you a little bit. That day always makes me the happiest. The start of a great season.

--I'm a Never-Been-Kissed gal. And, today, like most days, I love it. I'm fine with waiting for that one guy to sweep me off my feet. Bring it on.

--Expedia.com is my #1 website. Planning adventures isn't a hobby, it's a lifestyle.

--I could spend an entire day in a small thrift store looking at their book selection. Maybe read a few, take a break, come back.

--I have this memory of being at my cabin, I'm maybe 9 years old, and I'm the only one awake. I quickly get my swimsuit on, grab my towel, and head for the lake. I spent about an hour swimming that morning, completely by myself. I've never told anyone I did it out of fear that they'd be so mad I went swimming by myself... because naturally, only I would be stupid enough to have a 'hold your breath' contest alone and drown. But that morning is one of my favorite places to go back to. Being completely alone, and blissfully happy about it. Spending a few moments to do exactly what I wanted to do in that moment. I think I shall start doing that more now, as I'm getting older. It worked when I was nine...

--I have a closet full of hangers and a floor full of clothes. Dig it.

--My favorite song, of all time, is Whippgrass by Justin Vernon. Here, shall I provide you with some audio?:

--I think Ellen Degeneres should be the Queen of America. Let's make that happen.

--I'm a closet Nelly fan. He creeps me out hardcore, but I can rap-along to his entire first three albums. True words.

--Paul is my favorite name for a boy, it's my dad's middle name.

--If I had the choice to know my future, I would decline. The destinations don't matter to me, simply the journeys. (Ps. Journeys is spelt funny...)

--I think that dancing alone in your room in the dark can cure any bad feelings you've had that day. And beer, there must be beer.

--If I could get paid to do anything, it would be to travel around the world finding little dives, hole in the walls, that provide the best service. It would require getting lost, adventures, eating lots of dishes, and getting to know complete strangers... I love all those things. It would be perfection.

--I live for other people's flaws.... in the best way! If someone is giggling at a funeral, I want to be around them. If someone sneezes thirteen times in a row, every time they sneeze... sign me up. If someone sings so loud that you give them the nickname Beyonce Streisand, I'll laugh for days. I love the idiosyncrasies of others, and I'm glad for them.

--I'm about 80% sure that I'm 0% Irish, but I will take my Irish pride to my grave. I do know, however, that I am 1/16 Native American. And I milk that for every cool point it's worth.

--The idea of pulling all-nighters excites me to my very core. I'm actually quite good at surviving on three hours of sleep.

--I have verbal arguments with spellcheck. I always lose....

--I have a strong, deep fear of compliments. People are so very kind to me, but I do not like any kind of spotlight. I like hiding in the corner watching people succeed. To me, that's peace: the people around you finding happiness. Somehow, even if just a little, you've helped them achieve litchrally thee best feeling on this earth. So amazing.

--Everybody's egocentric to some degree right? They know they have good legs, they know they are smarter than everyone in the room, they know how to balance a checkbook..whatever. Well, my degree of 'Yeah. I dig it.' is with listening. I could listen to people talk for days. I love being the person asked to coffee or to go for a walk or to grab a beer on the porch. I'm good at listening. I'm good at giving advice. I'm good at sitting on a deck with a person for three hours and not saying a word. Just sitting. It's a favorite thing of mine, listening... and I'm the most grateful for it.

--My bookshelves are my pride and joy. My favorite book on the shelf is Jane Eyre, followed by The Picture of Dorian Gray. I wonder if readers in the future will look back at our language and be amazed as I am when I pick up a good, old book. I'm fascinated. I hope they are too...

--I think people who are born with an extra chromosome to their DNA have something special inside them: hope. We could all learn something from them.

--I had a conversation the other day about how you don't choose your nickname. A big secret: I hate my nickname, MacK. Oohfta. I shouldn't, everyone calls me it, but there's something about Kenz/Kenzie/Kenzie Jo that makes me smile. MacK will stay though... and it's a lot better than dipshit.

And my biggest secret not-so-secret fact: I believe, whole heartedly, that if you give out good you get it back ten fold. If you give out bad, you spend a lot of time hoping nothing bad happens. That's no way to go through life. So don't do it. Good.

Little facts. Nothing crazy. All pieces of MacKenzie Jo. Cheers.

If You Got A Plan, I Got A Reason

Tomorrow starts the last week of classes for this semester, and I'm doing all kinds of reflecting. I've thought a lot tonight about how hard this semester was. I was in school part-time, I paid for the majority out of pocket, which meant working full time. I also worked on two shows, that kept my nights completely booked. Basically, I didn't have a day off. At first, it was prime. I was energized and I felt amazing, going from one thing to the next, checking things off my many to-do lists, and finding my groove. But, as it happens, I got tired. And that's the only way I know how to explain this silly thing called depression. Just exhausting. And so, I tried to take a day a week for me. But when your schedule is jammed tight it's hard to find a day. Looking back, I should have been much kinder to myself and set a schedule that was do-able. I'm not a machine, although sometimes I wish I could be. Or, I wish that Hermoine's Time Turner was in my left pocket at all times. (If you get that, I enjoy you very much)

It's the end of the semester, and a lot has happened. A lot. In the last six months, four people have passed away. A young kid, a dear friend, an amazing father to my best friend, and an older woman ready for peace. A lot of goodbye's, or as I'm told 'see you laters'. My parents best friend was diagnosed with cancer. My best friend's parents split up. My dad lost his job. So many unpredictable, hard, grow-up-or-shut-up moments.

But, as I'm thinking of the last six months... I am also thinking of the amazing things that happened.

--I watched my very best friend in the entire world get married. Which was, hands down, one of the most amazing things I've ever witnessed. They always say watch the bride as she walks down the aisle, but I watched her husband that day. And his face, the love that he showed, was amazing. There are no words to describe it. I loved that day, I loved being with someone I know like the back of my hand and see her so unbelievably happy, I loved dancing and singing and drinking and laughing and enjoying my life to the fullest that night. It's a wonderful place to go back to.

--I've become more aware of the things I do in everyday life and how they affect the big picture. What I eat, what I wear, what I say, how I respond, who I'm around... it all matters. It all shapes who I'm growing up to be. While I think that growing up is the hardest thing I've EVER had to do, it has never stopped being fun.

--I've really become focused in my writing. I used to say I just did it for fun, but now... it's everything. This little blog is my favorite thing that I look forward to every day. My journals are glimpses into every part of who I am. I'm so thankful for writing and what it has given me in the past six months. Some people find it in singing, others an instrument...some find it in open heart surgery. That thing that makes you feel connected to other people. That allows you to express yourself and do something worth while all at the same time. For me, that's writing. And the best part, the part that really makes me smile...is that it doesn't have to get any bigger than me writing my plays and stories and filling in my journals. It doesn't have to become my career, I don't need to make a penny off of it. It's completely, freely, all mine. That's bliss.

--I started watching the show New Girl, which if you don't know how that could make an impact on my life we don't need to talk about it, do we?

--I started an amazing job that I really love. Working at Glensheen has helped me grow up tremendously. I did a bad thing last week... I slept in through my alarm and got into some trouble. Nothing too bad, but serious enough for me to realize how big my role at work is. It was a blessing in disguise. I love the feeling of going into work and doing projects and seeing the process of how a business is run.

--I discovered the beauty of coffee. Not just black coffee. Did you know you can put creamer in it? It makes it taste better? I think I should trademark that-- wait a minute...

-- I got to travel to San Francisco on my 21st birthday. Some people get so drunk they can't spell their name on their big day. Me? I was in the sky. Flying is one of my all time favorite experiences. I love smaller planes where you can feel the dip. Ah! So good. I arrived in San Francisco to celebrate with my best friend who was getting married that next week. It was amazing. Secret MacKenzie Fact: I love bridges. I don't know why. Driving over them is something I like to avoid, but looking at them is one of my very favorite things. I loved that city, that bridge, that day. I also loved that day because my friend Charlie met me at the airport to start his journey to Honduras for the summer. We both shared a few drinks, and started our adventures to completely new territory. I have butterflies just thinking about that moment. Being so excited for myself, for Charlie, and for an amazing day in California.

--I took a class this semester on Scenic Paining. While I'm certainly no Picasso, I love this class. If you're wondering, my final is to paint Free Willy. It's not a big deal. Yes it is.

--I spent the summer in Duluth with two of my very favorite people. Emilie and Daniel. I don't even know where to begin with these two. Daniel is, in every sense of the word, an individual. Emilie is, in every sense of the word, a true friend. Spending almost every day with them provided many laughs, many nights on the porch, many morning afters, and many moments of feeling safe. I'm so grateful to have them, and I cherish our summer by the lake.

--I also moved into my new apartment! We just had a small get together for my friends 30th birthday, and it was so fun to have a few people fill into our living room on a snowy night and just talk. I love my home. We have a piano where I can pretend to write songs, we have multiple couches that don't fit, we have neighbors who listen to music at 4am...but offer earplugs!, and I have my roommate Kelly. Meeting Kelly was probably the greatest thing that ever happened to me. She helps me with all of my unorganized chaos, and has never once become (vocally) impatient with me. I owe her many things, including gas money, but she'll be the last to ask for it. Lucky. I am lucky.

--Something I'm just thinking about now, long after I actually did this.... I said no to things. I'm horrible at saying no to things because I don't want to disappoint or put any stress on anyone. But I was asked to work on numerous shows and I took a step back and asked myself if I could give it my all... and I said no. It's nice to allow myself time to readjust. I'm proud of myself, that makes me feel strong.

--I saw the Northern Lights! Guys! It's still such a magical memory for me. I loved it. Adventuring with my Three Musketeers into the middle of nowhere, having no idea what we were looking for. I loved that night, with my boys, playing the If Game while lying on rocks looking at the sky. Adventuring in this city, especially in the summertime, is one of my favorite things. Duluth is beautiful, the north shore is insanity. Some days I don't want to leave...which means I'm doing something right.

--And something that I'm starting... like, right now. This second. Is not second guessing every move I make. If I want to confront someone because they are rude, Imma DO IT. If I want to kiss a boy because he's cute and telling me my smile makes him smile, IMMA DO IT. Having less fear.. that's what I want for myself in the next six months.

I find myself ready for next semester. Going back to school full time, taking time away from shows to write, and continuing the slow, painful, but hysterical process of growing up. Cheers to that, I'll need many a brewski to get through it.....

Act of Kindness Fill Me Up, ButterCup

Guys, where the eff have I been? Jeez. Next time, yell at me or something. Kay?

No, in all honesty, it's been a crazy couple of weeks. A lot has happened since I last really truly blogged. Shall I fill you in? Lessdothismotherfucker.

I opened the latest show I was working on, The Nutcracker! I just love this show. I love the people I see every night, I love the story of the show, I love celebrating Christmas, and did I mention the people? They are so great. I just feel... loved. You know? That's a fun feeling, one I do feel very often because I'm constantly surrounded by amazing people... and it just multiplies when I'm around this cast and crew. Love them!

I did have some hard news these past few weeks. One of my best friends died about two weeks ago. I worked with her back home, she was amazing. Could light up a room and make everyone stare, but once she saw you staring she would call you out. That kinda girl. Just the best. I will not sugar coat anything about it, it's completely impossible for me to wrap my head around death. It's been extremely hard. I find I'm more exhausted, I care less about the details of things, I just... get by. Which is not good, it's not what Megan would have wanted, but it is very hard. I will say that with every day that passes I find myself smiling more and more and forgetting the sadness. Living with the memories of her is a beautiful thing. And because we were barely able to see each other, it hasn't really hit me. I don't know how I'll react when it does, but I don't want to know that answer. I'll take it step by step.

Another amazing thing that happened. I don't even know how to talk about this one. I'm in awe of human kindness. So. Ginny. Helped deliver baby. Wrote about it. Lots o' people read about it. Including all of my professors at school. Well, these people. I just... They gave me such a gracious and kind and loving and amazing and how many adjectives can I use kind of gift this week. For those of you that know me, you know that Barnes and Noble beats anything and everything. It's my drug. Well, let's just say that I'll be spending every Saturday night for a YEAR at B&N thank to my wonderful faculty at UMD. And... AND. I have an appointment next week for my very first massage. I'm so nervous! Is it weird to be nervous? I don't really like to be touched (whatever.) so I'm so scared I'm going to get ticklish and freak out. Regardless, I'm just shocked that this group of people pooled together to do this for me. I can say that I love them, right? Because I do. I love my professors. I'm so thankful that I go to school and feel safe, taken care of, and that there are at least a dozen people every day that have my back. There are no words to explain how grateful I am for how much they have done for me. Some of them, with or without knowing it, have given me the opportunity to become a person that would stop on the side of the road and deliver a baby. They have helped and watch me grow up more than any other adults in my life. Man, I'm just so grateful. I will use that word to my grave. But it's how I feel!!!!!

ANOTHER awesome gift I received this week was.... drum roll..... A FREE WILLY DOLL. Stuffed animal. Thing. So. Free Wizzles. Favorite Movie. The ultimate. My childhood. Keeps me humble. The BOMB. If you don't know my love about Free Willy, your the lucky one. I tell everyone, and people are kind enough to listen to me and nod and smile and pretend like they care. Well, my friend Bailey gave me her old whale stuffed animal that IS FREE WILLY. It was her stuffed animal from years ago, and I love hammy downs because the legacy lives on! And it's FREE WILLY! Ah!

So many great things from so many amazing people. But, I will say, that this brought up an interesting question. I was having a really hard couple of weeks. And I was definitely, without question, being a Deb Downer about life. And then, when people gave me things, I was like... LIFE IS GOOD! But, what if people hadn't been so amazingly generous? Would I still be wallowing? I don't like that idea. Either way, I'm so elated that I have people in my life that fill me up with goodness and make me feel every kind of good emotion you can think of. That's grand. This blog post is so messy, but I'm not fixing a dang thing. It's late, I work in the morning, and have a show at night. I haven't slept in a solid three days, and I wouldn't have it any other way. At least now, don't ask me in the morning.....