Taking It One Step At A Time

I find myself being uber excited about something and then second guessing myself to the point of exhaustion. I don't like when I do that.

I watched this interview that Conan O'Brien (whom I love) held with Jack White from The White Stripes (whom I lovelovelove) and he said something that has stayed with me for a while. He said that to be an artist, wether it's music, writing, acting, dancing, etc, you have to work harder than everyone else around you. To be the best, your best, you have to be honest with yourself and kick your own ass and step it up. And I love the idea of having to work your hardest, because 9 times out of 10 the pay off is worth it. When you work and work and fail and fail and keep working and then finally someone recognizes the work and makes you feel valued. That's epic.

But there's another side to it for me. While I want to succeed and I want to gain popularity and form professional relationships and blah blah blah... I still want to be a good person. I don't want to sell others out or feel jealous when other people get good things.

I watched my friends win awards this past week and I couldn't be more proud. There's 904% no jealousy there, but is that because they worked their asses off and I didn't? Also, there were people that won that don't have the best attitude. And that week showed perfectly that while they have talent and are gaining popularity now, in a few years their poor attitude will take over and the work will disappear. But until that happens it really sucks watching someone who would run over your grandma to succeed get all these amazing things. That plainly blows.

I'm stuck, I suppose, on where the line should be drawn. I don't like compliments, but I want people to know that I want to be successful. I hate self promotion, but how else do you show your work?

I dropped my writing class this semester because I need to pass my other classes. Is that copping out? Is that post-poning, yet again, what I really want to be doing? Is it a smart idea? I don't know.

Hopefully the answer comes to me soon. I know that I'm thankful for this blog, I'm thankful for my imagination and the ideas that come my way, and I'm thankful for my humility.

Cheers.