A Long Way Down

I'm having a think today. And that think is: What is happiness? What do people classify as happy? Is it reachable? Is it something you gain? And when do you gain it? Does it come from other people or yourself?

I'm asking because so many people long for happiness. In my day to day life I get by with happy thoughts, but when people ask me in my life if I'm happy... I don't know how to answer. I have wonderful people surrounding me, I have a roof over my head and food in the fridge. I have dreams and goals and aspirations. But I want more. And I'm scared that if I keep saying 'When I get this then I'll be happy' that I'll never truly find it. And do you find happiness? Or does is grow from within?

I hope that happiness is a journey that you walk on. You can get lost, get confused, and find your way back to it. I don't know how to define it, but I know that it's something I want. And it's different than wanting something I don't have. Because I have it. Right? I have happiness, it's in me every day. I just need to remind myself it's there.

I read a great book a few years ago, and it was about four people who meet at the top of this building in England on New Year's Eve, all with the idea of jumping (This story will get better, promise). Throughout the book, you know that some of the people end up jumping off and others don't...it's sort of a whodunit. And one of the characters doesn't end up jumping, stating that suicide was that thing that's in the back of his sock drawer. That one thing that we all know is there, but never use. We never need it, but just knowing it's there gives us comfort.

That metaphor came into my mind today thinking about where happiness goes when you get into a bad mood. Is it that thing everyone has in their sock drawer. Because you know it's always there you don't necessarily use it or need it? Is that how I've come to, in a sense, lose it? I don't know.

As I said, I think it's a journey. And I hope to keep on the road I'm on. If you keep walking, your scenery may not change from day to day, but soon enough you'll be in other land. Looking at a whole different world you could have never dreamed of. I don't think happiness is in my sock drawer, I think it's in the horizon... waiting for me to wish it goodnight and greet it every morning.